He asked us how many, we said “2.” Then, a little girl popped up from behind the podium and offered to take us to our table upstairs. We followed her as she proudly told us that the restaurant was her mom’s. We got to the table and she gave us the menus. But then, she didn’t do what most waiters or waitresses do at that point…she stayed. To talk.
She told us where her family was from–Greece and China– or maybe she was American, too, she wondered. As she looked over her shoulder to make sure her mom wasn’t giving her the “don’t bother the customers look,” she explained why she was so interested in the Bermuda Triangle, and was a little excited when I told her my Grandad used to fly through there when he was stationed there. The conversation went on for 10-15 minutes or so, until she left to make us her special salad…
The other day, I was listening to a story on a podcast series called Invisibilia and they were talking about a lady who had one of the weirdest and rarest conditions I’ve heard of: she wasn’t afraid. Literally, she couldn’t be. Her brain doesn’t understand the feeling of fear. She’s been held at gunpoint several times and had a knife held up to her throat a few times as well. In none of the situations has she felt any emotion even resembling fear. What a concept, right?
Imagine how much life would change if you didn’t fear anything…anything at all.
Well, in a way, I saw this same fearlessness in the 8 year old girl at the Greek restaurant. Although 99% of waiters/waitresses would have left the customer to eat their meals amongst the people they had come to dinner with, this girl didn’t. She didn’t understand what was expected in this situation. She wasn’t afraid of what we would think if she did stay to chat. In her mind, why wouldn’t she talk to the people she just welcomed into her “home”? And that’s something to think about.
What if as a human race we weren’t as afraid to break away of what was expected. To not let our simple, daily life decisions be guided by the precedent we’ve set ourselves or have had set by the community of people around us.
What if one day you randomly dressed in a suit and tie, not because you had a reason to, but because you felt like wearing it that particular day? Or you know that person you see every day and wonder what his or her story is? Well what if that hesitation about how “weird” or “awkward” the situation might be never ever happened. And you just went up there and found out what you really wanted to know.
I tend to think that deep down, people appreciate people who don’t care for societal norms. People who have the courage and the audacity to do things in life that they want because they know that if they don’t do whatever it is at that exact moment, then they won’t ever do it. Really, ever.
I recently heard a story about a guy whose wife left him for another dude who was taller, richer, and more handsome. He had a hard time getting over it. He was afraid to talk to people. And then he realized what he was afraid of wasn’t people…it was rejection. So instead of accepting that fate, he made a plan. He went out and made himself get rejected in a different way every day. After a while, he found himself actually liking the feeling, because he knew it made him stronger. If he asked out a really pretty girl and she said “no,” then the next time, what could be worse? The only direction to go was up. He became confident in so many situations that most people found awkward. He wasn’t afraid to ask anyone anything. And throughout this process, he said he realized one overarching thing: People are way more willing to talk to you and help you than you actually think.
So what I’ve learned is that it’s important to be a person who walks against the grain, constantly. You’ll have a better chance of experiencing the little things in life that you had shooed away before because of nervousness or awkwardness; little things that if accomplished, could lead to a more meaningful, memorable, and exciting life. A life without fear…
of anything.
Stefano Montali 