Fluency of a Friendship

In the last few days, I’ve probably used more Mandarin than I have in almost three years of study. From making multiple trips up and down the elevators to figure out my Wifi, to ordering food, to giving and asking directions. And yes, at times it’s stressful, but it’s also exciting.

But within my completed attempts to speak the language, I’ve had various failed attempts as well. Sometimes, the language gap has just been too great, and I’ve had to make the decision to just say ‘thank you’ and try it again somewhere else. But what about when I want to go past that “necessity” threshold and into the one that includes good conversation, and eventually friendship?

If I can’t communicate on a higher level, then do I even have a personality in the eyes of the person I’m interacting with? Or is all of who I am just limited to the ‘intermediate elementary’ Mandarin that I can get out at that moment?

I want to make friends with locals, but how much does my lack of fluency in the language change the chances of getting on the level I am on with some of the international friends I’ve made?  Because if I can only understand some of what a person says, and can’t respond as in-depth as I could in English, how much does the worth of my companionship decrease? And yes, I have many friends from different places around the world who don’t speak English or Spanish as a first/second language, but speak it pretty well. I’m talking about people with a much lower speaking level.

So can you have a “good friend” if there are limited language skills on either side? I really hope so, and I do think so.

A big part of friendship is based on the familiarity of the feeling of being around someone.  Friendships tend to start with similar interests and evolve over time into that stage of familiarity. How many times have you planned to hang out with a friend, and when he or she asks you “What do you want to do?”, you reply with, “Whatever, I don’t really care that much.”

Because you really don’t. 

You care that at that time, you’ll be with that person, and that alone will bring happiness. Just because the original thing you had in common was a similar taste in music doesn’t mean you’re not friends if you’re not at a concert or listening to music in a room together. The physical setting of where you “hang out” isn’t really essential later on, even though it probably played a part in the beginning . If you go see a great show together, that’s an added bonus, but not a necessity.

The true friendship is in the companionship of the person. And that is why I am hopeful and excited for the next five months.